It's been one year...

As I lay in my bed to sleep, my mind kept wandering off to Thailand. Memories from the time I spent there flooded my mind. Even stronger are the pangs of longing for Thailand that seemed strangely familiar until I recalled that the last time I felt these pangs was when I knew I was irrevocably separated from the one I had fallen in love with. Can it be true that those great novelists of the passed who claimed to have "fallen in love" with some foreign land actually meant it? That their falling in love was not a figure of speech but an actual, tangible attachment on par with what we understand as romantic love? 

And then I realized why I had such strong feelings. It has been exactly one year from the day that I left Thailand.

Is a year really that powerful? Do our physical bodies really understand the concept of time and
that 365 days constitute a year? Yet a year has passed and my constant longing for this land that seems so far right now has not dissipated. I was in Thailand for a year on a Fulbright ETA grant and a year seemed too short so I stayed six extra months. It was incredibly hard the first three months to be back in America last year but that made sense; my friend studied abroad in Japan for about seven weeks and it took her about seven days to grieve her leaving of that land. I calculated that since I was in Thailand one and a half years, it will take me exactly 78.26 weeks to get over everything. It has been far longer than that and every single day, I think about Bangkok or Sawankhalok or Chiang Mai and when my cerebration of that loss becomes too much, I express it verbally to anyone in my family who may be around me via recollections of food or memories.   

I miss the feeling of waking up to a warm morning in Bangkok, early enough for the room to remain cool but late enough for the extreme humidity to start seeping in. I miss the ambrosial taste of Thai tea purchased from a hardworking street vendor after I have walked miles in the heat. I miss the long tube of extremely cold air aka the BTS train that recharges me to continue my journey in the cacophony outside. I miss the feeling of going to class everyday to learn a language that I would use immediately after I stepped back outside. I miss setting my mouth on fire with extra chili in my food and making it worse by downing a gulp of green soda.

I miss the freedom of riding my bicycle and taking the long way home just to smell the flowing waters of the Yom river, sometimes pleasantly clean and other times simply fishy. I miss the smell of the rain and the soil after a thunderous storm. I miss walking around town with full assurance that I would run into someone I knew whether it was one of my shy students, a caring teacher, or a concerned parent. I miss the once in a full moon OTOP market with goods for sale from all around Thailand. I miss walking around the night market and buying food from shop owners who I can call friends. I miss buying junk food from Tesco Lotus that I would never even think about buying in the states. 

I miss the sweat pouring down my face even before class begins as I prepare the classroom for my lesson. I miss reading my students' notebooks and realizing how much they've grown already and honored when they would share deeper things about themselves. I miss having students come into the office with just the excuse of wanting to hang out with me. I miss receiving and giving back smiles and wais from any student in my school. I miss working twelve hour days and still having an abundance of energy at the end of the day because I was completely devoted to my students' growths.

These and many more memories flooded my mind tonight. Why are these memories still so potent even after a year, seeking once again to debilitate me as I try to piece my life back together? Thailand has left an indelible mark on my heart and it seems that even an entire year cannot render these memories and feelings any less vivid.

 

Thank you God for all of these wonderful experiences and memories